An entry for.... You :)

It's 2.30am now but I can't seem to fall asleep. Decided to write an entry for A.. :)

Dear sayang

Ever since the patch up, I am so glad that we are keeping communication open. I understand that at times we may have different opinions towards a certain issue, but nevertheless, it's all about give and take :) I'm learning to be a better partner, and I know I used to be really unreasonable regarding certain issues. Taking a step back to look at things from a different perspective, and also learning from others helped me greatly.

Darling boy, I hope you'll continue guiding me like how you've always been doing. When I reflect about how much I think I've changed.. I realized that most of the time, it's you who has done this "transformation" on me. I'd be able to say with confidence.. I'm definitely much clearer with what I want in life. What are the things I wish to accomplish by the age of 21, and what are the plans I should be making for myself.

Well I should say.. That's just part of it. . I'm just thankful and glad to have such an amazing darling boy, who's able to show me the way when I've got no idea where I should be heading to.

Thanks for being so wonderful, darling. You're the sweetest thing that has ever happened to me :) Love you ttm! xo

A unique date

Sometimes, I take a while to look closely at you darling, and I start to fall in love with you all over again..

Dear diary

I didn't write here last night cos I got home late..

I spent half of the day at home and went out for a date with A in the evening :) Well, we merely wanted to make the date simple cos we've already watched 2 movies within a week. . His idea of going Henderson waves was rejected due to the bad weather.. And I suggested going to Sentosa Boardwalk since the rain has stopped. It ended up pouring heavily again when I just stepped out, -.-

On the train we were discussing whether to go Vivo or elsewhere.. And we ended up heading to Bugis for dinner. Omggggggg I've been craving for that beef rendang for ages. Like ever since I first tried it last year, around the Hari Raya period.. Hehehe I'm so thankful sayang brought me there for dinner again! :D So I had a lil "fear factor challenge" after eating.. And I failed that challenge :/ He said that I shall try it again the next time we dine there! Omg *shivers*

We walked over to to Ritz and had a mango strudel for dessert :D I can't wait to go back there again and get the durian strudel! :)

Hanged around Bugis for a short while and surveyed the pet shop for meow2's new cage.. Hope we'd be able to find a more comfortable one for her real soon! Hehe walking around Bugis really gave me an idea of what to... :P Not telling, heh~

And our last stop was Chinatown. Bought some daily necessities.. It's the first time I brought sayang there and he had the same reaction as I did, when Hua first brought me there. Hahaha! :) I thought it was a really unique date cos we have never spent a day like this before.. Like, really simple, yet it's sweet at the same time.

Well I guess, "It's the people that make the place!" No matter where I'm at, it always feels wonderful with sayang around ;)

So we made our back at around 9.30pm, and I went home to get changed before going over to Hua's place. We were supposed to watch a movie together at her place, but we ended up webcamming with bb and having supper instead :/

Saw 2 uncles getting into a quarrel/fight, and the one at fault had the cheek to ring up the police! Well.. The police don't seem to be interested to entertain their nonsense anyway. Lol. Back to her place at 1.30am, continued the conversation with bb for another hour +.. Decided to go back home cos I need to bath and dry my hair before I can sleep.. :/

And now it's already 5 in the evening, I'm stuck at home doing nothing. Well well, I woke up rather late.. Not meeting sayang today cos he's got some family gathering going on. I'm really looking forward to our 2D1N stay in the upcoming weekend, hehe~

That's all, bye :)

I am number four

Dear diary

I'm finally home! So tired after a loooooooong day..

It's 1.43am now. I hope I get my hair dried soon so I'll be able to sleep.

Met my classmates at 12pm+ today, had a quick lunch at Mac cos we were running late for the movie. Whoa, the show "I am number four" is seriously awesome. There were some funny incidents in the cinema too.. I think I can't sit together with Eric. We'll make too much noise, LOL.

Well well, we bought Starbucks coffee and headed to the Esplanade. Hanged around there from late noon till evening.. It was really relaxing to just sit by the river and chat while having a cup of cappuccino :) Made a sudden decision to meet my darling boy for dinner! So he came over to Esplanade and met me there cos his lesson was cancelled, and we had Thai Express :) Hanged around the Esplanade area and watched the water performance at MBS.. The lightings were gorgeous, :)

Oh and we watched "I am number four" after that. Like ummmm, I know I already watched it in the noon.. But since he's so interested and I thought the show's really awesome, I don't mind watching it again :)

Before the show started we tried "kiaping" soft toys but kinda failed terribly. Always so close, but still so far :(

I'm too tired to continue thinking if anything else that's interesting which happened today.

I.Want.To.Sleep.

Good night!

Always keep communication open :)

I wanna watch Dear John with you again darling ;)

Dear diary

Ummm.. I actually stoned for quite a while before I started typing anything here. Woohoo! I didn't spend the whole day at home today~ Basically I went out in the late noon.. Shopped for baking ingredients at NTUC before heading over to bb's house to make my first attempt for fruit tarts. sigh, the custard didn't turn out well though. Hope that the next time when I try it again, it'll turn out fine!

So I hanged around her place till 10pm.. Looking through the pictures her Dad took and had a good laugh at the conversation between him and bb. Will never get along that well with my own Dad I guess, sigh. Uhh.. whatever -.-

I think I survived on a rather small amount of food today. Feeling alright though.. I hope my appetite remains like this~ Hopefully I won't get hungry in the middle of the night hmmm :/

Can't afford to sleep late today, meeting my classmates @ 12pm @ City Hall tomorrow. Will be catching a movie at Marina Square.. Hope we'll have a good time tomorrow! It's been a while since I last saw them. Like errrrr ever since the last day of UT3, which was last week? :X

I kinda forgot that tomorrow is Friday until I received a text from John asking me what time and where are we supposed to meet tomorrow. Gosh.. The problem with rotting during holidays. It makes me unaware of how the days are passing by. Glad that I'll be spending my time wisely by working from next Tuesday onwards!

Should I bring Peggy out tomorrow? Heh! I shall see if she'd take up too much space in my bag.. :P

That's all for today! Waiting for sayang to ring me soon.. Bye :)

You make me feel so beautiful when I'm with you.

Peggy on the left, Sheepy on the right. Heh :P

LOL!!!

(Credits: Tumblr)

Dear diary

I spent my whole day at home surfing the net. I was supposed to attend training in the evening.. BUT. Unfortunately, my sister took my one and only pathetic sports bra and I can't stand doing sports in normal bra so I decided to give training a miss today :/

I woke up pretty early today compared to other days.. Basically I was just looking around Fb and Twitter for the whole day, cos I couldn't find anything interesting to watch.. Had a ham & cheese sandwich for lunch and I lazed in bed the whole day -.-

I totally had no idea what to have for dinner. I thought I could da bao food to Hua's place and eat there, but apparently she wasn't going home straight after work.. Thankfully sayang didn't meet his parents for dinner today, so we met up at Jp for dinner! Hehehe ;) It was really simple but well, I always enjoy his companionship :)

Walked around Jp after dinner.. And I intend to get him something simple but useful. Hehehe..

I need to plan what can I do tomorrow. I don't wanna waste a day again :( Life is really boring to stay at home all day long. Like what sayang said, it is more practical to work in the day time and go out at night. But I'll only be starting work on the 1st of March, which is next Tuesday..

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There are still some things I can't get over about. Felt slightly better after sharing it with sayang yesterday, but seeing certain things really still make me feel upset. Well.. If that's how you see me as.. There's nothing much I can do about it. And before you talk about others, think about yourself. Weren't you once like this? (or even worse?) Sigh :/

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I know, it's a really short post today. Too bad.. I stayed home the whole day -_- I thought the only interesting thing I came across was this video.. A guy was commenting and imitating Singapore clubbers. Omg, he's one annoying fella but I gotta admit it's kinda hilarious :P

That's all for today! I hope I won't spend the whole day at home tomorrow :(

Bye!

Date on a weekday! :)

LOL, I wonder what they saw! :P

(Credits: Tumblr)

Dear diary

Weeeeeeeee! Sayang is finally back today! I set my alarm at 8.30am in the morning so that I'll be able to get up and text him! :P Was so glad to have gone on a date with him.. It's rare for us to get a chance to go on a day on a weekday cos he's usually busy with work. It felt sooooo wonderful today ;) So he bought me a penguin soft toy and we named her Peggy ;) She's really, really smooth!

Anyway.. What we did today was pretty simple but I really enjoyed myself. We went for lunch before catching the movie "Just go with it" @ Cineleisure. The movie was really awesome, I can't describe how much I love romance comedies :P Had a good laugh.. And most importantly, it's been such a long while since I spent time with my honey boy ;)

We hanged around Starbucks for 2 hours.. And talked about stuff.. Went for dinner @ Thai Express before picking up the 2 cats; Meow meow & Bobo! Bobo is such a good boy.. He was really quiet and didn't make any noise all the way back! But meow2 was so happy to see sayang she kept meowing non-stop, heh. It's been so long since I last heard her meowing massively :P

Oh anyway the taxi uncle who took us drove rather recklessly. He wasn't exactly speeding but driving at quite a high speed and kept changing lanes -_- There was a point in time he nearly crashed into the car ahead.. But thank goodness sayang called out to him and he stepped on the brake. So I kinda flew and hit my left cheek + shoulder against the front seat.. I hope I don't get any bruises :( I'm just glad that we made it back safely! Saw a really really bad accident around Bt Batok area on our way back..

Sent the cats back to his place and we went Ntuc to get some stuff. And we made our way home after that..

I'm so glad to have spent a whole day out with him.. And most definitely I love the gifts which he bought from Aussie, they're really adorable :D Thank you for being so sweet hun, I really appreciate every lil thing you do for me :) Look forward to our next date! Hehehe..

I'll take pictures of Peggy and post it here soon!

Goodnight,

xo

And hun, you're the special one I'm afraid to lose.

I miss your smile hun, can't wait to see you :)

Yes, there's just something special about my honey boy.. That won't allow me to give up on us. Not a single bit.

And I do wanna... Grow old with you, hun :')

(Credits: Tumblr)

Dear diary

YAYYYY! 12 more hours and sayang would arrive in Sg! Gosh I can't contain my excitement. Sometimes I find it better for me to write out what I'm feeling than to share it with people who would take it negatively. Maybe it's just my nature.. That I can't bottle up my emotions. But all I hope for is just someone who would be there for me, and don't mind me getting all excited when something important to me is about to happen.

10 days.. It isn't an extremely long period of time, but more or less things have changed. And honestly speaking every now and then I am still living in fear. All I want is to have a sweet and peaceful life with my dear boy, that's it. I get really stressed up when I know the near future is gonna be really tough.. Now all I want is to see him badly, get a nice big hug and feel more reassured.

My day was fine. In the noon, I managed to have a short conversation with sayang regarding whether he'd have time to meet me tomorrow. I'm hoping that everything would go smoothly.. And that we can meet. I miss him real badly. I'm really sorry for being so unreasonable at times, but I know.. For this special boy I'm changing for the better :') I know it's just a couple of hours more.. But over here I'm missing him so terribly I'm on the verge of crying.

Went over to drop my last letter for him today.. I wrote him a total of 9 letters. I take a pen and paper with me everywhere I go.. Just in case at any point of time I've got something in mind that I wanna write to him. And everytime after I pen it down, I feel so much better. All that stress that I've been going through.. I'm trying hard to hold myself close so I won't break down, sigh.

Anyway I was supposed to spend the day at Sentosa with my classmates. I'm sorry.. But I'm really not in the mood to have fun under the sun. I just wanna spend my day in a simple way today. Ended up playing pool with Jun and we met Hua @ Clementi for KOI in the evening.. And now I'm back home.

I've been writing here everyday lately because there's so much I'm going through which I don't exactly know what's the best way to let it out. Like.. I write a whole lot here, but still inside there I'm struggling. I wished there was a better way for me to ease the pain, sigh :'(

Honey I know we've spoken about that issue before.. Please hold me close. I don't wanna struggle on my own :'( I look forward to seeing you really, really soon. It's been way too long since I last saw you and I'm feeling really terrible now. Miss you tons.

A peaceful Sunday

Stay close alright hun? :)

Dear diary

I pretty much wasted a day.. Or much rather I spent some time at home resting. Well I woke up at 2.30pm cos I only managed to get some sleep @ close to 5.30am..

My day was really simple. I washed up and had lunch, and surfed the net till now.. Which is like.. 7.30pm. Spent most of the time on Tumblr :) Spent the whole day at home cos the girls are all busy with their stuff today, and well.. I've got nothing going on today :(

Loading the movie "Faster" now.. Gonna watch it cos Dwayne Johnson is acting in it :P

(Have been waiting for sayang to come online.. And yay! He's finally online now :D)

I'm intending to go for a jog later on.. Cos I had supper yesterday and I'm feeling sinful for that :/ Still contemplating if I should go Sentosa tomorrow with my classmates. The exact reason/excuse would be.. I'm lazy :/ I know it's gonna be lots of fun! But I'm afraid that I can't get up on time -_- Errrrrr I'll make a decision after my jog eh? :P

***********************************

Didn't mention what we girls talked about last night.. It was mainly on relationships and our future plans. So it seems that Teo and I are facing similar problems.. But yeah I believe all of us will be able to work our own solutions out.

And then I added on regarding A's plan to study abroad.. That's when I felt so urgh.. I don't know why but yes it's contradicting.

I want the best for him, but at the same time I'm so unwilling to let him go so far away from me.

So I think the best way to put it would be, my heart totally sank when he told me about plans to study abroad. And that I want his companionship with me here, in Singapore :'(

It's like a tug of war I'm having in me. Yes no yes no.. I find myself struggling to put aside this issue cos it has been bothering me every now and then :( I want to talk to darling badly about this but at the same time I need to do it cautiously so he wouldn't misunderstand my intention..

FML. Before I go into deep thoughts again, I better stop here.

Bye!

Love you hun!

Counting down.. Tuesday is arriving soon! :)

Lol, chubbbbbbby ttm :P

Dear diary

I failed to chat with sayang on Fb again today cos I was out with my girls, walking around Jp. The original plan was to bake egg tarts @ Hua's place but we ended up at Jp as she wanted to look around for her bed. Had dinner and walked around, all of us (Hua , Jun & I) managed to get new footwear. My slippers are wearing out already so yep, I bought a new pair! :)

Headed back to Hua's place at around 9pm+? Managed to bake the egg tarts but results didn't turn out as expected.. Sigh, we'll try again next time :/ I'm feeling really sinful now cos we headed out for supper at 11.30pm. And following on we spent some time in the park chit chatting, while watching Teojh jog.

And one more guy came later on and joined Teo to jog.. So what we did was to hang around the park and chit chat all the way till 3am. Yeah, so much that we could talk about.

It's already 4.30am now so I need to get some sleep soon.

My day was really simple. I just hate the part which I missed out on chatting with my honey boy, aww. Sigh I hate how time passes without being able to spend it with him. As much as I'm trying to put my thoughts aside, honestly speaking, I still have that fear in me.. That he might be leaving for Aussie soon :'( I don't wanna lead life without him, urgh.

Whatever it is.. As I've mentioned before. Wait and plan. I need to sleep like real badly now. Bye. Shall write something to honey boy again when I get up.

Miss you hun, xo.

Miss you much darling, come back soon! xo

Dear diary

I didn't manage to chat with sayang today cos I got home later than usual.. Spent the evening with my girls at Chinatown. Had dinner but the food was average.. Disappointed with the xiao long bao!

Anyway today marks the end of UT3, the end of year 1.. I can't believe a year just passed like that. It means that I've already known my honey boy for a year! Awwwww :)

Well, on the other hand it means that my holidays have begun.. I'm still unsure of when I should start working cos I've been lacking proper rest, like.. Sometimes I stay up late for no reason and end up feeling exhausted the following day -_-

Was thinking if I should get up for a morning jog tomorrow followed by breakfast, but I need my beauty sleep. It's more important than anything else for now. Have been getting up really early these days just for UT..

Oh btw, I'm feeling rather disturbed by the things one of my friends told me on msn yesterday. I've been wanting to let sayang know but unfortunately I was unable to chat with him online today..

Like urgh, why make things so awkward for yourself dude? Zzzzzz. Not feeling pissed but it's just, get a hold of yourself.

Well enough of unhappy stuff for now. I managed to buy my hair mask earlier on, but I couldn't find sayang's facial cleanser today. Seems like it's out of stock for now! Shall get it for him again if I visit Chinatown again..

We headed back to Jp and had a random urge to play arcade.. So yeahhhh we had a good work out cos we played two consecutive games of basketball! Not forgetting Daytona and some other games too.. It's not exactly considered as wasting money to have fun like this once in a while right? Heh! :P

So we made our way home only at 11pm+.. And I'm really, really tired now :/

Feeling kinda empty cos I didn't chat with him today -_- It's been days since I last saw him, finally gonna see him next week! Hehehe ;)

It's a short entry today, my brain's switching off already.

Goodnight! :)

Day 6. Honey boy is coming back soon! :)

One year back! Hahaha, good old times ;)

Dear diary

It's almost 7.30pm Singapore time now.. And I'm waiting for honey boy to come online soon (hopefully). Usually he'd be online much earlier, I guess he finally made it to the theme parks today that's why he has yet to come online :P

Anyway UT was really manageable today, and I'm surprised to bump into Firoz & Vincent in the same classroom. Have been receiving texts from Eric these 2 mornings with regards to bumping into familiar facilitators, -.- His UT facilitator today was our Engrg Design faci. Eh, I don't like him.

Well, it's just that he has been giving me endless amounts of "C" for daily grades even when I really did attempt to contribute my part to the team's prototype. . Ohhhh well it's over, put that aside :)

(Just as I was talking about Engrg Design.. I heard from my classmates that its UT2 grade is out. OMG I PASSED! ^^)

I intended to meet Jun for lunch after UT today, but when I rang her she was still sleeping.. So.. Had lunch at TRCC with my classmates instead, and I was soooooo delighted to bump into Bob! It's been ages since I last saw him, and urgh I forgot to rub his tummy today :P

After lunch I was dragged by my classmates to AMK Hub and we played pool for around 2hours.We took bus from Woodlands all the way there.. Yet another loooong bus ride. Surprisingly I didn't fall dead asleep this time round, I guess I had a good rest last night =)

Headed back on my own cos they wanted to have dinner there but I wasn't feeling hungry yet. Don't you guys just hate that sudden gush of fart smell when you're in the train? Like urghhhhhhh, I was taking a nap and got woken up by that foul smell -.- Random, I know :P

So I got home in the evening, and I had dinner a while ago. It's the last day of Cny that's why Mum prepared so many dishes. Originally I planned to drop letters @ sayang's place, but I realized I haven't sealed them and I didn't have water/stickers with me at that point of time :( Urghhhhh.

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Last paper tomorrow, and it'd be declaration of holidays! And I haven't made a decision yet, regarding when I should start working. I don't wanna work my whole holiday away, I wanna save some time for myself to have fun!

Heading out for some shopping and yummy food with my girls tomorrow evening. And omg, I can't wait for Monday night cos.... When I wake up the following day, sayang would be back in Singapore! Heh, :P

Alright I'm gonna get my ass to Hua's place now, at least there'd be someone to keep me company while I stay by the computer :)

When I need you so badly, I turn selfish :(

(Ok I look damn fat here but who cares, heh)

Dear diary

It's 5pm in the evening now.. It's unusual that I'll blog so early. But I just have too many thoughts going through my mind and I'm trying to stop myself from falling apart.

I started doing a "compare and contrast table" in my mind the moment I stepped out of my house today. On the bus, on the train.. Anywhere. I just needed to filter out my thoughts and put them in an orderly manner.

Studying part time in sg without working = More time to concentrate and study

Studying full time in Aussie (definitely without working) = More time to concentrate and study

Y'know I'm just really afraid of what's gonna happen.. I'm afraid of losing his companionship. He has already became a part of me, so closely attached that I'm gonna panic when he's not around.

But as I have mentioned.. As much as I want him to stay by my side.. I know it's selfish. And that he has the right to pursue in what he wants. I know what I'm gonna talk about is for the long run, but yeap I gotta start looking far.

We are gonna lead a more stable and comfortable life, we are gonna grow stronger together and learn to cherish + appreciate each other more. He'd have a brighter future, and life would definitely be made easier when there's a better paying job. Ultimately I still want him to be back in Sg after completing his studies :'( I want us to be together, hun.

Goshhhhh. I have confidence in us that we'll pull it through, no matter what obstacle it may be. I tried telling myself distance would be a physical obstacle that we've never been through before.. And it seems really scary. Imagine. Now we're staying 10-15mins away from each other. And it's gonna become hours of travelling to the other side of the globe.

Fugggggg :(

Whatever it may be, I only wanna talk about it when it's the right time. For now, I need to get myself to STOP worrying about all these. And most definitely I need my darling to reassure me! :(

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UT sucked today, I was totally mindfucked while staring at the questions. Sighhhhh so much for being unable to control my emotions last night, ended up brooding over that issue instead of doing revision..

Bumped into GJ while waiting for my classmates to finish their papers. Had a quick catchup session.. And when it comes to him, I always have tons to talk about. He seems to be able to feel why I'm so troubled :( And yeahhhh my mood got better after having lunch @ CWP's Ajisen with my classmates. Went to Kiddy Palace and I saw sooooooooo many of ducky's cousins :P

I headed over to visit meow2 at 3pm, and hanged around there for half an hour or so. The lady was really friendly! Her cats kept walking around me.. And one of them even happily rolled around my lap and kept smelling me when I was sitting down infront of meow's cage! How adorable~~

Happily chatting with darling on Fb now, but he went to have dinner already. Shall patiently wait for him to be done and ask him about his day :)

Bye!

I love you, favorite boy ;)

I hate myself for having selfish thoughts

Dear diary

Sayang and I have been communicating like normal already, and I'm really thankful for that.

Our conversation ended a while ago, he went to bed already. And I gotta admit I started feeling panicky and helpless when he told me about the suggestion from his Dad, which he is taking into serious consideration.

I am afraid.

I have never ever been through anything similar to this before.

And honestly speaking, I have no idea how to face it.

I want the best for my honey boy, and I hope his decision would not be influenced by what the SIM staff/his Dad said. Ultimately, I want it to be what he's interested in.

Gosh I'm all jittery and I don't know what to say.

I even starting weeping when he told me about his plans.. I mean, looking far ahead, he's doing something to ensure stability and comfort for us. Yes, I'm so confidently saying "us". And no doubt I believe that he has proven to me.. He's the one I wanna spend the rest of my life with :') Ok, I know it's too early to talk about all these but once in a while I get random thoughts like this.

I am just afraid of facing life alone without him by my side, guiding me through. And yes at the same time.. I wouldn't want to be so selfish to tell him not to do what he wants to.

I just.. I need him :(

It's not just that I've gotten used to life with him around and I'd go crazy if he's not in my daily life anymore. It's that he has always been here.. Guiding me, and holding me close whenever I'm about to fall apart. What's gonna happen when he's not around? :'(

I hate how selfish my thoughts are right now. I'm sorry honey, I just.. I would be selfish towards anything which would take you away from me :'( I understand it's the long-term goal that you're working on, and most definitely I'd wanna lead a stable + comfortable life with you!

I need a really tight hug from you now.. And whisper into my ears that this would only make our love stronger, and nothing else changes.

Damn it. I'm still feeling jittery now, I don't know how to express that exact feeling I'm having now.

Darling, I just wanna let you know how much I love you and need you by my side. Nevertheless, I'd always be supporting the decisions you've made, for I know that you're working on a long-term goal; building a comfortable future for us. Please come back from your holiday trip real soon. I need your reassurance so badly :( Love you TTM!

I don't tell you how much I love you everyday because I treat it as a routine. But it's to let you know, how much I really appreciate you honey. It's more than words y'know..

xoxo

If I could choose a place to live in forever, it'd be your heart.

Dear diary

I feel wonderful today.. Cos my hard work paid off :') We're finally talking again, and building everything back together bit by bit.

I know that time has not been very kind to my honey boy, and he has been burning candles at both ends. May this holiday getaway allow him to loosen up!

I know that we do bicker at times and my insecurities kept building up cos we haven't been spending much time together during his busy periods. But thank you honey boy, for tolerating my temper and giving in to me all the while. I know that I've been really bad, and well.. I just hope that one day when we look back, we'll say to each other.. "We've grown, :')"

I managed to get up on time today. Or much rather, I dragged myself out of the bed. It's unusual for me to decide on walking to school from Woodlands Mrt.. Because I'm just lazy :/ Originally, I Intended to hop on to a cab from Woodlands to RP since it's so near, but the taxi queue was really long and there's no cab at all.

So I took my first UT3 paper today. It was quite manageable, I expect to achieve at least a "pass" for it. My nightmare comes tomorrow-- Math paper. Gawd, please let me clear it. I don't hope for wonderful results but I wanna pass it real, real badly!

I stayed in school after UT ended today. Played Wii and had lunch before I started studying with my classmates. Today was more like a recap session, for all the questions which I had done last week.

I was so excited when I saw my darling boy online in Fb chat in the evening. Nice timing, cos I happened to have finished revising what I had already planned to focus on. Stayed online for half an hour more before leaving school.. I was in one of the library's reading rooms and I went screaming "Ahhhhhhh we're chatting!!!!!!" My classmates were all ready to leave but looking at how delighted I am to converse with him, they stayed on and accompanied me till we're done. Thanks a million, you guys are awesome :')

Dinner @ Jun's place with Hua.. I arrived late, so more or less they have already prepared the ingredients required. We started eating at around 8pm I guess? We dimmed the lights, and lighted up the candles. Had sparkling juice (cos we don't really like red wine). We had chicken & mushroom soup as an appetizer, followed by pasta, then mango sago as dessert.

I was once again smiling till I couldn't keep my lips together after dinner. Cos.. I eagerly went online to check if he's still free to chat, and yeah I was pleasantly surprised to see that he's online! Had another conversation with him and I decided to go pay Meow2 a visit after my Physics UT, which is on Wednesday. However I'll need to contact the lady to check whether she's free that day :)

Honey, I'm looking forward to your return. I miss those hugs and cuddles, and most importantly your presence. Love you TTM TTM TTMMM :P Can't wait to see you online again soon! I hope you'll have fun at the theme parks :)

xo

I miss your warmth hun.

Dear diary

I'm glad to have finally heard from him.. And I just wanna tell him, let's be lovey dovey again alright honey?

Everyday I'd experience random moments whereby I miss him so darn much, I could kill to see him. I found a way to make myself feel better-- By writing down my thoughts into letters.. For him. I need his warmth, I need Vitamin L, I need all my "nutrients" from him.

My body has really been rejecting food. Didn't have a single bite till evening today.

Revision session failed.. We did not find a suitable location and the school's library was closed. Everywhere which has tables were already taken up. We hanged around TRCC and attempted studying, but ended up getting distracted by the net.

Stayed in school till 4.30pm and we headed back to CWP. Initial plan was to go JP and "kiap" soft toys.. I just wanted to pamper myself a lil. Eric was hungry so we settled down to eat @ CWP Swensens. Ordered fries for myself.. But I went to the toilet and puked everything out. My stomach was just so uncomfortable.. I can't stand the feeling of food in it.

Left for JP and met my bbgirls to buy ingredients for our V'day dinner tomorrow. Bought Sushi.. And I'm glad this time round I didn't puke. Finally, a source of energy.. I feel really weak but I don't have the guts to eat more :( I just don't wanna risk throwing up again.

So we bumped into Zl & Ch @ Jp. We spent around half an hour or so at Prize stage "kiaping" soft toys. Spent a bomb today, but didn't succeed at all. I just felt like getting something for myself to lighten up my mood. Hope for better luck next time..

UT starts at 11am tomorrow. Spending my V'day noon in Wii room and the library to study.

Hey sayang, I've been missing you since you left me. Stay close... Don't go. I'm looking forward to your return, please give me a big teddy hug when you're back. It's really starry tonight. And the moon's looking gorgeous too. Shall we try flying a kite at night some day? Love you, xo

I looked at the stars and immediately, I thought of you

Dear diary

I hope he has landed safely in Australia already, and that he'll have a good rest before he starts having fun.

I spent my day with my bbg today. I try my best not to be alone for this period of time cos I don't wanna let my thoughts run wild. I'm thankful for her suggestion to bring me to Henderson Waves and relax. .

Night drives.. Makes me feel so much better. And the scenery there is really nice, the stars, the wind and all.. I wanna go there together with him some time :')

Had a can of booze each while enjoying the calmness there. For that period of time.. I just let the wind take my silly thoughts away, take every negative thing in me away.. And start telling myself. Here, I need to start looking on the positive side again.

Went to Bt Timah for supper.. And yeah, the first person that came to my mind was none other than my darling boy. We've been there together countless times for good food, and most definitely we love the satay. I had my usual all-time-fav tonight-- Maggie goreng. I don't wanna make complicated orders for maggie goreng on my own. For this, I wanna be dependent on him. He, who always helps me to make long-and-troublesome order for maggie goreng.

And we left the place around 12midnight.. Driving along that road.. Reminds me of him. Every single lil thing. It's making me wanna see him right now. My first time trying the food there.. It was also him who brought me there. That was after Tchoukball training, I remember really clearly. And then.. I fell in love with the food there :')

We are such gluttons who would travel all the way from Jurong West to Bt Timah just for good food. Gawd, I really miss resting on his shoulder during long bus rides :(

So we dropped by Jp to do some stuff before sending me home. Thank you all, who have been there for me tonight to lighten up my mood. I love you all!

Just to sidetrack for a while.. My stomach has been getting really weak. My body is sort of rejecting food. Every time I attempt to grab a bite, I always end up feeling like I wanna puke. That's good, I lost more weight. On the other hand I wish my health would get better.

It's getting late.. And I promised my classmates that I'll study with them tomorrow. I better get a good rest. Goodnight sayang, love you! *hugs*

My beloved honey boy, I don't wanna see you making a verdict on our relationship just like that. It's just the start, and I have confidence in us; that we'll be able to make things fine. Please trust me and let's work for it together.

To a faraway land

Dear diary

It's 1.24pm now and I'm sure he has already checked in at the airport. I woke up staring at the ceiling and started to think through over and over again. What went wrong, and what can be done. I always believe in this-- When there's a will, there'd definitely be a way.

I hope he holds the same will as I do to pull it through. I know he's stressed up and all, I wasn't understanding enough for that.. But I hope he'll see that people do change for the better, for someone who means a whole lot to him/her.

And yes, I'm one of those who'd give anything to make us better :')

I remember speaking to one important person last night. And I know everything said was meant nothing but good. But you know there's one thing about me.. I can go to countless people for advice, but at the end of the day, more or less I'd end up sticking to what I believe in.

As afraid as I can be feeling right now, I'm taking out all the courage that I have left to do what I believe in.

Today kind of marks the beginning for me to work on being a better partner (for him). I know many of you out there are wondering about what has been going on.. It's been a really chaotic week of ups and downs. And now all I wanna do is just to sit down and reflect. Cos I'm determined to do something about it, not just walking out of us.

I'm sincerely thankful for all the concern, but I have to clarify that my darling boy isn't bad at all. He's really special, so special that maybe I don't know how to handle him well, that's why things ended up this way.

I learnt this from my Primary school CO instructor, when I was once late for practice.

He told me, "Better late than never."

Things may have went wrong, tough times may be here, but doing something to improve/change the situation would always be better late than never.

I think my precious knows me best, that I don't fancy any superficial stuff. What I'm looking for lies deep within the heart. Genuinity and sincerity; which he has both of it! I was too greedy to think that he's not sincere enough to me.

I'm writing here every now and then, whenever I have a sudden thought about something. I really wonder if he'll still be reading anything here.. Whether he does or doesn't, I still wanna say..

I know I've been really really bad, but I need your trust (so badly) that I'm ready to change for the better :')

It's been an hour of writing here. I guess I should wash up and get out of the house for some fresh air.

I miss you darling.

xo

When the muscle gets tired, the mind takes over

Dear diary

I'm so glad at least I finally got to see where the problem is coming from, and what is his point of view. And I am pretty much very sure, I ain't giving up so easily.

He didn't just make me stay in love. He never fails to make me fall in love over and over again with him..

I feel so loved that he trusts me so dearly. And as I reflected on our relationship, I feel sincerely apologetic that I've been taking this trust for granted. I never ever wanted to learn cherish through losing. It's the process of growing up that he has been guiding me through, that made me wanna be a better person not just for myself, but also for him. I'm hanging to to hope and faith for what I believe in.

To have made it thus far, and even gave my friends a shock when I mentioned to them I wanna settle down with him, I know things are gonna somehow work again. Yes, there's a couple of them who'd say "Why? You still young leh!!"

I'm sorry, I don't see things that way.

I have never felt this way before.. Never felt so attached to anyone before, to the extent I think of long-term plans like settling down. And one extra factor we're facing is.. Inter-race. (Most definitely that has never stopped me from falling in love with him at all) I spoke to people that I come across on the net, asking them for advice etc, hoping to make things go more smoothly.

Certain things like this, I've never ever mentioned to him before.

For I think that.. What's best is to just keep these thoughts within me, put them aside till the time comes to talk about it. Oh and what's more, I don't see the point in looking for someone better when I'm already feeling so blissful (Having bumps is normal) in my current relationship. If my mindset is just to keep looking for someone better than him, I'll never be able to find the right one.

Some time back I remember him telling me he'd be going for SIM degree. And yes, despite hating my brother to the core, I did sit down and think about how he and his girlfy maintained their relationship while he's studying and she already graduated. I admit I looked up to him for this. The one and only thing I see him as an example to follow..

So that contributes to the list of things which I've thought about but never told A about it before. I did sit down and think..

"Hmm, I guess he'll be more busy when he enters SIM, cos studying for a degree is gonna be tougher. Maybe we can change our meeting days to purely weekends instead, or once in a while have dinner together on a weekday. Whatever it is, I'll only talk to him on the phone if he's not studying, since that's what my bro & his girlfy does during the examinations period. For now, I'll just put my plans aside till his uni starts."

I know I talk a lot, a WHOLE lot to him. But I don't talk about every single thing though..

Stuff like that were never ever told, maybe that's why he thinks I'll be really upset when he can't spend time with me once uni starts. I doubt he'll read my blog anymore, but I really have so much left untold. I'm utterly sorry that I've been such a bitch.. I know he's always working hard to earn more $ not only to contribute to his uni fees, but also to bring me out for better food/dates etc..

Now as I sit down in the middle of the night, I think about so damn much. But I'm just telling myself.. Hey Jiahui, you're gonna be one strong Telur goreng who's gonna continue loving him and working things out, because everything that is worthy ain't easy. And with the start of his holiday trip, marks the start of my "training" to become a more understanding partner.

I didn't promise to change overnight, weeks, or months. But what I will always be consistently doing is to improve on what I myself know it's a flaw.

A part of me will always be with him.

And I'm here waiting with open arms,

cos I have faith in us :')

For the past 2 nights, I'm thankful that MHK has told me so much. I know I'm stubborn and not gonna listen to any advice related to "giving up". I'm just glad he's so supportive of whatever I plan to do.

Dearest boy, I know you're worth my efforts and I'll always be trying hard for you. Let us work a way out, for there's so much we've not yet done together.

Wishing him a safe flight and awesome holiday trip in Australia! I hope he'll miss me like how I'd miss him too :/

Everyone who has been holding me close, telling me to study hard for UT3.. I won't give up alright? I'll see you guys this weekend to study, before we head out for some relaxation..

It's already 4.15am. I better turn in soon.

xo

I need you now

Hiding myself at Jun's place.

I don't wanna step out.

I feel ugly.

I'm unwanted.

I'm abandoned.

Sheepy is abandoned too.

Have been crying the moment I woke up till now.

I feel glad to have my classmates holding me close.

I'm sorry but I am stubborn/determined to work everything out.

Looking through everything brings back so much memories.

This song I'm sharing here..

Brings back the most memories, and yes I've been listening to it over and over again.

We watched this movie twice together.

It was our first official date.

Now I'm left here all on my own..

Thinking hard about what else could be done to work things out.

I wonder why do you not love me anymore, all of a sudden, just like that..

Don't you see that even though you make me upset at times,

you're also the reason behind my smile and happiness?

I love how perfectly you complete me.

We've been through so much,

and made it thus far.

Do you even know how special you make me feel?

A woman, yet a lil girl at the same time.

I'd give it all,

I'd give for us,

Give anything but I won't give up.

xo

Thank you honey boy for the pretty pretty orange roses! ;)

Sorry for being such a badddddddd girlfriend :( Love you!

***********************************

School was fine today, relief faci again. Stayed back after class ended for Math revision with the usual people.. Was rather productive =) Managed to cover complex numbers, differentiation and integration. Tomorrow's plan will be studying for Physics! Meeting them in RP again this coming Sunday to continue studying too.. So much mugging :(

As Saturday draws closer, I feel more.. :( Gonna be bored TTM without honey boy with me. Nevertheless, I hope this holiday trip would make him more relaxed!

Okay I'm gonna wait for his call nowwwww, bye :B

Vday? :(

Gawddddd I'm feeling so..... I don't know what's the right description but.. Feeling sweet as I listen to people telling me about their V'day plans, and also green in envy looking at pictures of advance V'day surprises.

I also wanna celebrate V'day with A leh :( x 1000000000000000

Too bad he's gonna be having fun in Auzzie while I'm stuck here.. Gonna prepare candlelight dinner with my darlings on V'day itself :/ If only it wasn't UT week.. We could go out for a couple of drinks :/

Keong was showing me the picture of the necklace he bought for VKG as a V'day gift.. I thought it's really sweet for him to try so hard ;) On the other hand, J should just stop all his rubbish lah. It's been a year already, then now he's telling us stuff like that.. Seriously I don't feel like entertaining him at all -.-

Okay, end of ranting. Bye :(

Rabbit yearrrrrr!

Haven't been updating for the past few days!

Well well..

I spent two nights of CNY drinking and surprisingly I didn't get drunk. On the second day of CNY, I went out at night to chill at Wheelock's Starbucks with my girls and ended up meeting Anita @ Arena or 2+ 3am for a couple of drinks. Sent my drunk sweetheart home and I walked home form her place. Whoa, only managed to get some sleep at close to 6am.

The following day I woke up in the noon to meet my girls.. Movie + reunion dinner gathering at Vivo. Bought Chivas for our drinking session @ night @ Jg's place.. Accompanied Felicia home to put her stuff and get her clothes together with Hua.. Zl picked up us by cab and headed to Jg's place together. My plan was to head home at perhaps 2+ 3am cos I'm really tired and I wanna meet my honey boy the following day. . But I ended staying till 4am+, helping out to take care of the drunkards. I'm glad I didn't get drunkkkkkk =D Well, so many things happened that night.. Let's just hope things would get better ehhhhh :)

Went to Bee's place to bai nian with the Tchoukball girls yesterday, had fun at her place! :D Went off to meet A at Jp for dinner before I headed to Jun's and Hua's place to bai nian.. Hmmm, Cny has been fine for me up till now~

A's flying off this coming weekend, :'( No one to talk me to sleep for 10 days, omg. . I hope the 10 days would just quickly fly past -_-"

(Heyyyyyyy there honey boy, thanks for making me feel so special ;) Love you maxxxxx!)

It's the rabbit year~

Well, I don't feel excited for CNY at all this year -.-

Last night's reunion dinner wasn't even reunoin, lol. It's okay, pretty used to it anyway. I will feel awkward if we sit down together and eat. So I went over to Hua's place after dinner and we painted our nails. Supposed to go for a walk at the park nearby, but it was drizzling so we stayed indoors.. Had fun playing with the webcam taking weird pictures, hahaha :) Should've brought Ducky & Sheepy over!

Helped to put up some CNY decorations and I hanged around there till 11pm+ .. Went home to bath & sleep. Woke up at close to 2pm today and I'm rotting at home for the whole of today.. Not going Jb. Waiting for Kailing's family to come over later on. Can't wait for tomorrow, finally heading out! :D Ooooh and sayang's family is arriving in Sg tomorrow too.. I miss his Mum's cooking real, real badly. And of cos I miss her prettaye sister who goes.. "Kaching! Krrr krr krr" HAHAHAHA! That one, I guess only the 3 of us would understand the meaning of it :P

Alright I'm gonna snack on some delicious yet fattening pineapple tarts now, byeeee!

Not in the CNY mood

Heyyyyy~ :D

Didn't blog yesterday cos I got home late.. Had a reunion dinner with TGT at Somerset 313.. Basically it was just a few hours of gathering and catch up session.. I had never knew that Charlene and I would end up having so much to talk about, hehehe~

Went to Cineleisure's arcade and behaved like lil kids, :P I left @ 9.30pm to meet sayang and take Mrt home together.

Today...........

I partial-ed cos I really wasn't in the mood to study. Oh and Hua came over to RP for lunch.. So we left togetherrrrr.. I headed to SMV to collect my cash cheque, back to Jurong to thread my eyebrows with Hua, and headed to Jp to meet sayang in the evening for dinner. Back to his place for some spring cleaning and cuddled till night.

That's all, I'm tired, bye.