When I need you so badly, I turn selfish :(

(Ok I look damn fat here but who cares, heh)

Dear diary

It's 5pm in the evening now.. It's unusual that I'll blog so early. But I just have too many thoughts going through my mind and I'm trying to stop myself from falling apart.

I started doing a "compare and contrast table" in my mind the moment I stepped out of my house today. On the bus, on the train.. Anywhere. I just needed to filter out my thoughts and put them in an orderly manner.

Studying part time in sg without working = More time to concentrate and study

Studying full time in Aussie (definitely without working) = More time to concentrate and study

Y'know I'm just really afraid of what's gonna happen.. I'm afraid of losing his companionship. He has already became a part of me, so closely attached that I'm gonna panic when he's not around.

But as I have mentioned.. As much as I want him to stay by my side.. I know it's selfish. And that he has the right to pursue in what he wants. I know what I'm gonna talk about is for the long run, but yeap I gotta start looking far.

We are gonna lead a more stable and comfortable life, we are gonna grow stronger together and learn to cherish + appreciate each other more. He'd have a brighter future, and life would definitely be made easier when there's a better paying job. Ultimately I still want him to be back in Sg after completing his studies :'( I want us to be together, hun.

Goshhhhh. I have confidence in us that we'll pull it through, no matter what obstacle it may be. I tried telling myself distance would be a physical obstacle that we've never been through before.. And it seems really scary. Imagine. Now we're staying 10-15mins away from each other. And it's gonna become hours of travelling to the other side of the globe.

Fugggggg :(

Whatever it may be, I only wanna talk about it when it's the right time. For now, I need to get myself to STOP worrying about all these. And most definitely I need my darling to reassure me! :(

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UT sucked today, I was totally mindfucked while staring at the questions. Sighhhhh so much for being unable to control my emotions last night, ended up brooding over that issue instead of doing revision..

Bumped into GJ while waiting for my classmates to finish their papers. Had a quick catchup session.. And when it comes to him, I always have tons to talk about. He seems to be able to feel why I'm so troubled :( And yeahhhh my mood got better after having lunch @ CWP's Ajisen with my classmates. Went to Kiddy Palace and I saw sooooooooo many of ducky's cousins :P

I headed over to visit meow2 at 3pm, and hanged around there for half an hour or so. The lady was really friendly! Her cats kept walking around me.. And one of them even happily rolled around my lap and kept smelling me when I was sitting down infront of meow's cage! How adorable~~

Happily chatting with darling on Fb now, but he went to have dinner already. Shall patiently wait for him to be done and ask him about his day :)

Bye!

I love you, favorite boy ;)